20 Signs you are a People pleaser :
People pleasers derive satisfaction from making other people happy, but they go too far and make other people's comfort level come before their own. This often becomes unsustainable and unhealthy. Watch out for these signs, and try removing these habits if you have any of them.
20 Signs you are a People pleaser
1. You can’t say 'no'
When people usually say that they hate to dissappoint others, people pleasers mean it. In fact, disappointing others is their kryptonite. Turning down the numerous requests from friends, family or even casual acquaintances is a next to impossible task, so you find them working on their colleagues work project on friday night, when all they wanted was to go out and dance the stress away.
A people pleaser is the to go to person for any task that needs to be done. Your acquaintances will see you sometimes as some hero. As expected, this behaviour often depletes your energy, time and resources so fast, and you are terrified the 'selfish' title you think will adorn you when you say 'no'.
Sometimes being a people pleaser may lead you to do the tasks that clashes with your belief systems and values, against your better judgement. As much as being pleasant and helpful to people earns you major good karma, it is unsustainable to your body and soul to accept whatever requests are thrown your way.
2. Hesitate to ask help
People pleasers hesitate to ask help from others. So, practice asking help from your colleagues, friends and your family. Start with small stuffs like "Can you help me with shifting this box? etc". Then you can go on to larger asks. People who care for you would love it when you ask for their help.
Others take up so much of your time. You don't own your own time. You can’t refuse it if you are asked for something or some favour. You go down to social obligations and attend events that you don't even like. Value your time. Remember that your time is yours not somebody else's. By giving your valuable time to others, it can make you stressed and emotionally drained.
You have set yourself some rules that you will be considered unhumble, you may be categorized as bad. But this is just a belief. Don't show overcompassion to anyone otherwise they will seek you for more. Don't act like you are in a play where you have to do whatever it is said to do. This can wrack up your regret and self-esteem.
When you do everything perfectly and push yourself out of your comfort zone, there will no room for dissappointment or wanting of approval.
Although you agree to do things for others, in order to please them, you may start to feel angry at those people after some time. You find yourself feeling resentment at others and start taking on those negative feelings.
You over-value other people's emotions more than your own. You over-value your influence on others. Remember that every person is responsible for their own thoughts, emotions and feelings.
You are overly available for any favour. People always run up to you for any favour or support, because they know that you will never let them down. You will even drop some important work from your busy schedule and help them out by going out of your own way.
People pleasing can be extremely tiring. Fulfilling all the needs of all the people takes a toll of time and energy. It is a sign that you are doing too much and taking extra requests when you should not. You do late night works for others when you should be sleeping. This can make a detriment to your health and life.
You find yourself holding onto past resentments. You didn't want to do it but you did it because they will think you are good and because you were told to do it. You hold all these resentments in your head and harbour the anger towards them who take advantage of your kindness.
Being a people pleaser is a double-edge sword. It is selfless because of how much you keep sacrificing for others. Yet, it is s selfish act because you want to control how others act and feel towards you. It may sound harsh, but in essence, you are always being nice because you want others to like and appreciate you. This usually stems from deep unresolved self-issues, such as feeling worthless or powerless and can leak into other areas of your life too.
Having the constant need to control everything will put insurmountable stress on your mind and body, because you are depriving it from the rest and relaxation it needs.
You are always indirect, beating around the bush. You speak from head not your heart. By doing this, you are diluting the truth. You should take stand for yourself and be determined to it.
You need to have walls and boundaries. Have a steadyfast personality to maintain your standpoint. If some people become too nosey or personal, you cannot back them off as it might sound rude. So don't let them become too close to you. It will destroy your own peace.
You rely on external validation. You seek to be 'good enough'. You can be immensely happy when others approve you but you also feel very sad when people disapprove you.
You don't care about your loved ones. You just care about new friends and colleagues to please them so that they think highly of you. You take for granted those who truly love you regardless of how you behave and treat them.
You don't know what you really want whether it is about life, relationship or a general stuff like dinner. You do it in fear of other's rejection. You think they will judge you after making any decision. This stops your initiative.
You have a strong and unescapable desire to be praised and you know, how hard it is to get praising from everyone. It also shows that you cannot handle criticism. You do not even want to listen that you were criticized otherwise it will make you sad for long time. You will do anything to correct the things that you assumed your wrongs.
If you adjust yourself to fit better with a friend then he is not of your friend actually. You should be free to open up and be yourself with whom you spend your time with. No one should ever make you feel that you need to change yourself for them.
Your feelings are valid and extremely important. There may be chance that your friends care about your feelings but you never express it out.
You don't have to save the world, just save yourself. Let them do their own work. You are more of a hindrance to them if you keep doing their things. You can just be a cheerleader in situations and provide them choices to work on their own.
I hope you liked this article "20 Signs you are a People pleaser". And of course, be kind enough to share it with your friends as well.
Also read : "10 Signs you are a people-pleaser : Psychology Today".
For queries or suggestions, feel free to post a comment. I would love to read from you. See you soon. . . . . .
Thank you. Have a great day and great life. I want to see that smile on your face.
3. Others take up your valuable time
Others take up so much of your time. You don't own your own time. You can’t refuse it if you are asked for something or some favour. You go down to social obligations and attend events that you don't even like. Value your time. Remember that your time is yours not somebody else's. By giving your valuable time to others, it can make you stressed and emotionally drained.
4. You are over-good to people you dislike
You have set yourself some rules that you will be considered unhumble, you may be categorized as bad. But this is just a belief. Don't show overcompassion to anyone otherwise they will seek you for more. Don't act like you are in a play where you have to do whatever it is said to do. This can wrack up your regret and self-esteem.
5. You set high standards for yourself
When you do everything perfectly and push yourself out of your comfort zone, there will no room for dissappointment or wanting of approval.
6. You feel resentment
Although you agree to do things for others, in order to please them, you may start to feel angry at those people after some time. You find yourself feeling resentment at others and start taking on those negative feelings.
7. You over-value other's emotions
You over-value other people's emotions more than your own. You over-value your influence on others. Remember that every person is responsible for their own thoughts, emotions and feelings.
8. You are always available for favours
You are overly available for any favour. People always run up to you for any favour or support, because they know that you will never let them down. You will even drop some important work from your busy schedule and help them out by going out of your own way.
9. You’re exhausted
People pleasing can be extremely tiring. Fulfilling all the needs of all the people takes a toll of time and energy. It is a sign that you are doing too much and taking extra requests when you should not. You do late night works for others when you should be sleeping. This can make a detriment to your health and life.
10. You hold past resentments
You find yourself holding onto past resentments. You didn't want to do it but you did it because they will think you are good and because you were told to do it. You hold all these resentments in your head and harbour the anger towards them who take advantage of your kindness.
11. You are controlled by others
Being a people pleaser is a double-edge sword. It is selfless because of how much you keep sacrificing for others. Yet, it is s selfish act because you want to control how others act and feel towards you. It may sound harsh, but in essence, you are always being nice because you want others to like and appreciate you. This usually stems from deep unresolved self-issues, such as feeling worthless or powerless and can leak into other areas of your life too.
Having the constant need to control everything will put insurmountable stress on your mind and body, because you are depriving it from the rest and relaxation it needs.
12. Confrontation
You are always indirect, beating around the bush. You speak from head not your heart. By doing this, you are diluting the truth. You should take stand for yourself and be determined to it.
13. You can’t keep people out
You need to have walls and boundaries. Have a steadyfast personality to maintain your standpoint. If some people become too nosey or personal, you cannot back them off as it might sound rude. So don't let them become too close to you. It will destroy your own peace.
14. You have low self worth
You rely on external validation. You seek to be 'good enough'. You can be immensely happy when others approve you but you also feel very sad when people disapprove you.
15. You don't care about your loved ones
You don't care about your loved ones. You just care about new friends and colleagues to please them so that they think highly of you. You take for granted those who truly love you regardless of how you behave and treat them.
16. You don't know what you want
You don't know what you really want whether it is about life, relationship or a general stuff like dinner. You do it in fear of other's rejection. You think they will judge you after making any decision. This stops your initiative.
17. You can’t take criticism
You have a strong and unescapable desire to be praised and you know, how hard it is to get praising from everyone. It also shows that you cannot handle criticism. You do not even want to listen that you were criticized otherwise it will make you sad for long time. You will do anything to correct the things that you assumed your wrongs.
18. You adjust yourself to fit better with who you're around
If you adjust yourself to fit better with a friend then he is not of your friend actually. You should be free to open up and be yourself with whom you spend your time with. No one should ever make you feel that you need to change yourself for them.
19. You hold your true feelings
Your feelings are valid and extremely important. There may be chance that your friends care about your feelings but you never express it out.
20. You are a problem solver for everyone
You don't have to save the world, just save yourself. Let them do their own work. You are more of a hindrance to them if you keep doing their things. You can just be a cheerleader in situations and provide them choices to work on their own.
I hope you liked this article "20 Signs you are a People pleaser". And of course, be kind enough to share it with your friends as well.
Also read : "10 Signs you are a people-pleaser : Psychology Today".
For queries or suggestions, feel free to post a comment. I would love to read from you. See you soon. . . . . .
Thank you. Have a great day and great life. I want to see that smile on your face.
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